Throwback to 2020: “But mum, I don’t want to play ping pong. I want to join the drama club,” my then primary-school child pleaded tearfully.
“Thou shall listen to your mum and join a sport!” I hissed, staring daggers at him. “There’s a higher chance to enter a secondary school through DSA if you become good at it, you know?”
This was the level of drama in my home when I tried to steer my son in his choice of Co-Curricular Activity (CCA) back in primary school.
Looking back, I wish I had made better decisions and supported him more positively. In my defence, I interfered with the best of intentions.
Thankfully, he seems to be enjoying his Symphonic Band CCA now as a Sec 2 boy. But it took a while for him to get there. Let me share my blow-by-blow trilogy of how I butted in with regret, so that you may avoid the same pitfalls when it’s your child’s turn to pick a CCA.
“Ping” had problems meeting “pong”
When my son was in Primary 3, he was a tad chubby, so when it was time to pick a CCA, I preferred that he took up a sport – to keep him active and moving. I also hoped he could ride on the DSA scheme come Primary 6.
Hence, when he was selected for table tennis, I thought I had struck gold and pulled out all the stops to convince him to accept the offer. He was reluctant, because he had no feel for the sport at all.
True enough, through the years, ping had problems meeting pong eye to eye. Though the boy clocked his attendance dutifully, he never grew to enjoy nor excel in it.
Things got worse during the Covid-19 pandemic when some CCAs had to be conducted remotely. In all honesty and despite the school’s good intention to minimise disruptions, it felt underwhelming to see him swing his bat listlessly in front of a monitor at home. Towards the end, he finally waved the white flag and asked to be spared of the agony. There ended my DSA dreams for a smooth, non-academic passage into a secondary school I had set my sights on for him.
When my son graduated from Primary 6, I was eaten by the guilt of denying him of what could have been a more fulfilling CCA experience. And even if he was good enough for the DSA exercise, he would have been miserable trying to sustain his interest in the sport across the years.
Looking back, one could say that my takeaway in 2020 was that hindsight is 20/20.
More drum-ma ensues in secondary school
Fast forward to 2024: My son was starting Secondary 1 and it was a chance for me to make amends. Kudos to me, I dialled things down a notch.
This time, my kid was sure of what he wanted, too: He had grown to love football so much that he signed up for the football trials. But when he didn’t make the cut, I nudged him to give the Festival Drums CCA a go.
This was Mistake No. 2. My suggestion seemed like a nice compromise, where he could enjoy a light workout from practising the drums, and music skills come with good vibes, right? As a “consolation”, I even suggested that he could indirectly cheer his football mates on with his musicianship by helping to, er, drum up the school spirit.
But as the saying goes, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Two months into the CCA, he found training to be physically demanding and mentally draining (at least to him) and he wanted out. I persuaded him to soldier on but he would not fall for his mum’s wily ways. He suggested making an appeal to join another CCA, and this time I stepped aside.
The final blow
When the school said that there were only vacancies in the Symphonic Band CCA, my kid grabbed at the offer as he desperately wanted to get out of his rut. I froze at the thought of an impending disaster. Aren’t the two CCAs – drums and band – about the same? Was he going to jump from percussion pit into a full orchestral fire?
However, before I could commit Mistake No. 3, I bit my tongue and gave him my blessings.
It turned out to be the right thing to do. He was assigned the trumpet, and he somehow found his voice in the instrument. In the ensuing days, I noticed a sparkle in my child’s eye, a bounce in his feet, and a glow up in his soul. Not only was he committed to practise daily what sounded vaguely like scales, he also eagerly discussed with me about the different musical instruments used in football club anthems. My boy was (almost) a changed man!
Not long after, my kid finally got his break. The junior band was tasked to complement the senior band during the school’s National Day celebration. So instead of broken scales, I became the involuntary listener of what seemed like loud, random notes on repeat.
On the day of their performance, my son claimed that they mangled the melody a little; but I choose to think that the horn section managed to, ahem, blow the audience away.
Thanks to him, Majulah Singapura will never sound the same to me again. But as long as he is having a blast, it is music to my ears.
Tip time
What could other parents take away from these CCA misadventures of mine? I arrived at these conclusions:
1. Work with the school
Unsure about your kid’s CCA choice? There are available channels of communications to help address these issues. My parent friends tell me that teachers may know something about your child or the activity that can help with the final decision. In retrospect, we could have sought advice from the school earlier, to avoid the misgives and detours.
2. Work with our mistakes (mine mostly)
So we took the long road before my boy could toot his horn. But we can turn bad situations around.
Thanks to my meddling, he learned about embracing failures, navigating changes, adapting to circumstances beyond one’s control, persevering, and managing the self.
For example, when he did not quite like table tennis, he pressed on. When he did not make it to the football team, he moved on. When he decided that drums were not for him, he learned from experience to voice his opinion and act to effect a change.
And when he got what he wanted, he committed to it.
3. Work with the child
CCAs are meant to expose our children to new skills, experiences and opportunities outside of the classroom. Ultimately, they are the main characters who stand to benefit or not, not us. I could have played my role as a cheerleader from the sideline better.
As my child matures, I am learning to adapt and raise him as I would fly a kite – by tugging and letting go at appropriate times so that he can learn to soar on his own in time to come.