Each night, before everyone retreats to bed, Mr Norman Suon and his two sons – Christian and Joseph, now 13 and eight, respectively – perform an elaborate “NBA handshake”. Think a string of hand-claps, finger waves and elbow bumps. “The sequence has grown longer over the years. It is our love language. We feel odd if we forget to do it, no matter how old they get,” he shares.

This playful ritual is one of the results of Mr Suon, a country manager with a technology firm, and his stay-at-home spouse Wendy’s parenting approach. An approach that has taken shape through trial and error, crystallised into key pillars: consistent discipline and love, expressed through respect for individuality and open communication.

It is also the reason why he and his wife decided to send their boys to different schools and trusted Christian to choose his own secondary school, among other things. Though, Mr Suon admits, they weren’t always this certain about their parenting.

A rocky start meant learning to set boundaries

When the Suons decided to start a family in their late-20s, they were unprepared to say the least. “We were the first among our peers and the family to have a child, so we had no guidance and no plan,” he recalls with a laugh.

But the couple stuck by a simple goal: to raise their children to be better versions of themselves. That was how they first came up with three simple rules for their boys:

1. Respect the parents and the elderly
2. Practise gratitude
3. Never take what isn’t theirs

Christian has become a steady mentor to younger brother Joseph.

“These are the non-negotiables that are easy enough to understand, and lead towards our parenting goal,” he explains.

Structure applies to screentime too. Long before official guidelines from the government were released, the family instilled a no-screens rule from Monday to Thursday and limited use from Friday to Sunday. Even then, sessions were broken into small chunks of 30 minutes. On the weekends, the family prioritised time for outdoor activities like running and cycling. This is still the case now.

“Of course, children being children will ask for more screentime. We give them a few more minutes from time to time,” says Mr Suon.

Discipline followed by reconnection

Loving affection is a hallmark of the Suon household.

While the Suon household may seem strict, it is not short on warmth. For Mr and Mrs Suon, discipline never ends with punishment but with a tight hug. “It is important that the child knows the love is still there,” says Mr Suon.

This has been part of the family’s practice since their older child Christian was a toddler.

When mistakes happen, Mr Suon and his wife guide the boys through what went wrong and what could be done better. Christian has even started initiating such discussions on his own, suggesting how he might have handled certain situations differently. 

Love leads to individualised parenting

Christian participating in a wushu competition in 2024.

The Suons’ love and connection with each child is also evident in how they tailor learning experiences, given the boys’ different personalities. Christian enjoys leadership opportunities, while Joseph is more laidback and cheerful. This resulted in the two boys attending different primary schools so that they could grow on their own terms, even if the decision would pose a slight inconvenience to the family.

“The school that Christian attended, North Spring Primary School, emphasises teamwork and leadership, which would build on his natural strengths. It also had wushu as a co-curricular activity, which Christian has enjoyed since he was young,” explains Mr Suon.

In choosing a secondary school for Christian, Mrs Suon sat with Christian and they shortlisted schools together based on each school’s values. The teenager eventually got into his school of choice: one which focuses on developing “leaders of the future” and allowed him to continue practising wushu.

On the other hand, Joseph who was born with a hearing condition, would benefit more from a nurturing environment like the one in Punggol View Primary School, that focuses on communication skills, he explained.

The results affirmed the Suons’ instincts. Christian has grown up to become a confident and resilient teenager, and an enthusiastic mentor to his younger brother. Joseph, now in Primary 2 and quieter by nature, has blossomed into a “talkative child who tells us everything about what happens in school,” says Mr Suon, laughing. 

Independence is also nurtured at a pace that is right for each child. Christian began taking public transport, about a 30-minute train ride, to and from school since Primary 4. At first, his parents followed and observed him from afar, gradually allowing him to commute on his own. “Joseph will do the same when he’s ready,” Mr Suon shares.

No topic is taboo

Mr Suon and his boys pose for the camera, with a playful attitude that's not unlike what they do for their nightly NBA handshakes.

Trust and harmony at home is also fostered through open communication, even with topics that make most parents squirm. From as early as lower primary, Mr Suon began teaching the boys about body awareness and how babies are born. “We started these conversations early so they would always come to us first with difficult questions, and true enough, they now do,” shares Mr Suon.

Open communication also means giving the children their full attention and serious consideration in everyday negotiations. When Christian wanted to ask for more game time, he prepared a deck of slides to make his case – and succeeded in convincing his parents. 

They reinforce family bonds through quality time. Despite everyone’s busy lives, the Suons have dinner together every night and pray together before their signature bedtime handshake. 

As Mr Suon reflects on the past 13 years of being a parent, he is wistful and emphatic, “Certainly, we made our share of mistakes with our first child, but our objective of raising a better next generation has never changed.”

He adds, “Consistency in parenting is important. Don’t back-peddle on the rules, but make sure to always reconnect with your child.”

Photos courtesy of: Mr Norman Suon